01 — SECURITY
Can I sustain a life?
Income, housing, health, safety, responsibilities and room to respond to uncertainty. Money matters most clearly when basic options are constrained.
An evolving inquiry · Begun in 2013
Am I
successful?
A question I started asking after school in 2013. More than a decade later, I am less interested in winning the argument and more interested in understanding who wrote the rules.
A personal inquiry by Sahil Tayal · Current understanding: October 2026
01 / The question has a history
It began when the school scoreboard ended.
In 2013, after school, I began searching for an answer to what success was supposed to mean. Marks, ranks and admissions had offered a reasonably clear language for achievement. Beyond that familiar structure, the question became harder to answer.
Over the years, education, professional work, business, research, writing and creative experiments gave me more evidence of what I could do. They did not give me a permanent verdict about what a life should be.
2013 · AFTER SCHOOL
The question begins
The familiar measures of academic achievement give way to an uncertain, much larger question: what does a successful life actually look like?
THE YEARS BETWEEN
New rooms, new scoreboards
College, an MBA, organisational experience, family business and intellectual exploration bring different forms of achievement—and different comparisons.
2026 · THE CURRENT VIEW
From verdict to inquiry
I no longer think one designation, income figure, project or external opinion can settle the whole question. Security, contribution, freedom, relationships, enjoyment and meaning deserve distinct consideration.
THE FUTURE · UNWRITTEN
Permission to revise
This is my understanding today, not a doctrine for the rest of my life. If experience changes the answer, the page should change with it.
Maybe the question is not “Have I won?” but “Which game am I playing—and did I choose it?”
02 / Four scoreboards
One word. Several different measurements.
We often ask success to do too many jobs at once. These are different questions, not rival teams fighting for one correct answer.
02 — ACHIEVEMENT
What can I do and contribute?
Skill, mastery, recognition, work, innovation and visible results. Useful measures—but incomplete descriptions of a person.
03 — RELATIONSHIPS
Who shares the journey?
Belonging, care, family, friendship, community and mutual responsibility. Not every meaningful contribution appears on a résumé.
04 — ALIGNMENT
Is this life recognisably mine?
Agency, integrity, curiosity, pleasure, rest and the freedom to pursue what one genuinely values. These priorities can evolve.
These four lenses are a reflection aid developed for this page, not a scientifically validated diagnostic instrument.
03 / Different traditions, different maps
Success depends on the lens.
The achievement lens
Modern career culture often rewards competition, growth, measurable impact and material progress. Valuable for building things; insufficient as a total account of wellbeing.
The relational lens
Confucian thought and interdependent accounts of the self emphasise obligations, connectedness and the ethical quality of relationships.
The flourishing lens
Aristotelian virtue, Indian purusharthas and Buddhist reflection each offer distinct ways to think beyond status. They are not identical or reducible to “East versus West.”
Spiral Dynamics calls an achievement-centred orientation “Orange.” It can be a useful metaphor, but its colour stages should not be mistaken for a scientifically established ranking of people.
04 / What research can—and cannot—tell us
Money matters. So do autonomy, competence and belonging.
Research on self-determination theory identifies autonomy, competence and relatedness as important psychological needs. That helps explain why professional achievement may coexist with unmet needs elsewhere in life. Read Ryan & Deci (2000) ↗
Cross-cultural psychology examines how independent and interdependent understandings of the self shape motivation and evaluation. The point is not to stereotype entire societies, but to notice that our criteria are partly learned. Read Markus & Kitayama (1991) ↗
Money supports security and choice. A 2023 collaboration revisiting income and emotional wellbeing found a more nuanced relationship than a universal happiness ceiling. Neither “money is everything” nor “money does not matter” does the evidence justice. Read Killingsworth, Kahneman & Mellers (2023) ↗
A successful career is a real achievement. It is not a complete measurement of a successful life.
05 / A reflection for you
Your scoreboard, examined.
Four prompts. No score, no ranking, no account required. Write privately if you wish; nothing you type here is transmitted or stored by this page. You can copy your answers before leaving.
01. What do I need?
What does security look like given my actual responsibilities and circumstances?
02. What did I inherit?
Which expectations came from family, school, employers, culture or comparison?
03. What do I value?
What would remain meaningful if no one applauded?
04. What am I trading away?
Which costs of my ambitions am I willing—or unwilling—to accept?
The takeaway: do not confuse the scoreboard you inherited with the life you would consciously choose.
06 / Go deeper
Reading beyond this page.
Ryan & Deci (2000) — Self-Determination Theory ↗
Autonomy, competence, relatedness and human motivation.
Markus & Kitayama (1991) — Culture and the Self ↗
Independent and interdependent understandings of identity.
Oishi et al. (1999) — Cross-Cultural Variations in Life Satisfaction ↗
How predictors of satisfaction vary across contexts.
Kasser & Ryan (1993) — A Dark Side of the American Dream ↗
Correlates of placing financial success at the centre of one's aspirations.
Killingsworth, Kahneman & Mellers (2023) — Income and Emotional Well-Being ↗
A nuanced look at the income–wellbeing relationship.
Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy — Aristotle's Ethics ↗
A philosophical account of flourishing and the good life.
07 / Continue the inquiry
One question opens into others.
This page is a dated reflection, not a final answer. I expect to revisit it as I learn and change. If you'd like to offer a thoughtful disagreement or another model of success, write to me.